Best Blonde Joke Wins 10 Points!?
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Loading ...OK, this is pretty simple, who ever gives me the best blonde joke wins 10 points. I’m looking for something really funny (obviously) and one I havent heard before so make them creative!
P.S just so people know, im not against blonde ppl and I dont beleive they are all dumb. Infact, I am a blonde myself, I just find the jokes funny!
Popularity: 1% [?]
here are a few:
Blonde Cops
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can’t find it. She says to the cop, “I must have left it at home officer.”
The cop says, “Well, do you have any kind of identification?” The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, “All I have is this picture of myself.” The cop says, “Let me see it, then.” So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, “Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have even pulled you over. You can go now.”
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First Class Blonde
A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that’s the type of ticket she paid for.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Detroit and I’m staying right here.”
After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there’s a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, “I’m blonde, I’m beatiful, I’m going to Detroit and I’m staying right here.”
The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.” He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
“I told her first class isn’t going to Detroit.”
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NASA Experiment
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
“If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?”
After pondering the question she answered, “I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet.”
They said “well okay, thank you.” And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, “I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.” Again, “thank you” and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, “I would like to go to the sun.”
The people from NASA replied, “why, don’t you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?”
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. “Are you guys dumb? I’d go at night!”
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Blonde Praying for Help from God
There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems.
So she got on her knees and prayed “Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I’ll loose my car, the house, and everything else.” She doesn’t
win. The next day she prays to God “God! I really really need
your help! I’ll loose my car, the house, and everything else.”
Once again, she doesn’t win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her ” Cindy! work with me here, BUY A TICKET!!”
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The Circle
A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she’s smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she’s laughing. He’s really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she’s laughing so hard, she’s about to fall down. He demands, “What’s so funny?” She says, “Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle!”
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Blonde going to Electronic Store
A blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, “Can I buy that TV”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Because your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red. She returned to the electronic store and said, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“You’re a blonde”
“How can you tell I’m a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!”
“Because that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave!”
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Blonde Logic
January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..”duh”…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!
March – Got excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box said “2-4 years!”
April – Trapped on escalator for hours…..power went out!!!
May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!
June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August – Got locked out of car in rain storm…..car swamped, because top was down.
September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???
October – Hate M & M’s…..they are so hard to peel.
November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…..instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December – Couldn’t call 911…..”duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
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Alligator Shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”
The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.
Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”
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hope you liked them!!!
What’s the first thing a blonde says after sex?
What team were you guys again?
What do peroxide blondes and jumbo jets have in common?
They both have black boxes.
What do you call a brunette standing between 2 blondes?
An interpreter.
How can you tell when a woman has a blonde boyfriend?
The bruising around her belly button.
Man goes into the kitchen after having sex with his blonde girlfriend. His old fella’s feeling a bit used and sore so he decides to soothe it by dipping it in a glass of cold milk. his girlfriend walks in sees him and says, “so that’s how you refill it!”
DEAR DIARY:
It’s fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn’t dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can’t say it improved the rice any.
Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
Tom’s folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
Joke Num 2-
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell she has a grenade in her mouth.
What’s the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde? There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot.
What did the blonde say after her doctor told her she was pregnant? “Is it mine?”
How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday. ________________________________________…
A blonde and her brunette friend were talking, when the blonde said, “I hate all the blonde jokes people tell.”
“Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”
They went outside and hailed a taxi driver.
“Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I’m home,” said the brunette.
The taxi drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, “See! That guy was really stupid.”
“No kidding,” replied the blonde. “There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead.”
ok: So a blonde drove her car through a hail storm, and the car got a bunch of dents in it. Taking the car to a auto shop the blonde asks the attendent to look at the car and tell her how much it would cost to take all the dents out of the car. The guy, seeing that she’s a blonde decided to have a little fun with her, so he told her that “if she took the car home and blew into the exaust pipe then that would pop the dents out.” So the blonde drove home and started blowing into the exaust pipe, she blew and blew, but the dent would not pop out. After awhile one of her friends, another blonde, came walking by, and asked what she was doing. The first blonde told her friend that the guy at the auto place said to blow into the exaust pipe and it would pop the dents out. The friend looked at her and said, “Well duh! ya gotta roll up the windows first.”
Wow I got a lot =]
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn’t dumb. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke. She says, “I’m not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me.”
He thought for a moment and asked, “What is the capital of Massachusetts?”
She quickly replied, “M”
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A young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
“Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.”
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette, are you?”
She says, “No, I’m really a blonde.”
“I thought so,” he says. “Your finger is broken.”
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There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some discussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.
One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn’t be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two.
After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. “What took you so long?” inquired the Redhead.
“There were some strong currents out there! But I’m here now! Am I the last?” replied the Brunette.
“No. Blondie is still out there somewhere.” They decided to wait.
Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view. Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde “What took you so long?”
“What do you expect? You guy’s cheated, replied the idignant blonde, “You used your hands!”
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After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women’s outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff. Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette.
After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight. They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sacrifice themselves and let go, to save the others.
Well they talked about it for a while but no-one could decide a fair way of of choosing who should jump. Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap.
To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sacrifice. She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them.
After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she’d gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping
I GUESS THAT’S IT! HOPE YOU LIKED THEM ♥♥♥
How do you tell if a blonde was in the frige?
Red rings on the cucumbers.
lol
this blonde went into a beauty shop to get a hair cut. she had on a set of head phones and she told the beautician not to take them off to cut her hair. well the beautician tried to cut around the head phones but was having a difficult time when she noticed the blonde had fallen asleep. so she sees her chance to give her a good hair cut, so she slowly removes the head phones and finishes cutting her hair. then she shakes the blonde to wake her up but she doesn’t respond, she tries again, nothing. the blonde is dead! the beautician is in shock, she puts the headphones on and this is what she hears, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, ha, ha
A few of my favourites…sorry it’s soooooo long
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, “I have a complaint!”
“Yes, Ma’am?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book.”
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Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.
“Easy, ” she replied. “He only has one eye.”
The chief was stunned. “He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!” He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.
“He only has one ear, ” was her answer.
“What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!” He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, “How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.”
After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, “He’s wearing contact lenses.”
This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn’t tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, “How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!”
“Well, ” she said, “he can’t wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?”
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A blond gets a new cell phone from her husband.
The next day she goes to Wal-mart and her phone rings, so she answers it.
It was her husband. He says, “How’s the new cell phone?”
She replied, “Great…but how did you know I was at Wal-mart?”
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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said….
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
AND FINALLY
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,”Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.
You rotten bastard, “says the husband,”my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!!!
There is a redhed, brunett and a blonde walking up a road. Soon, they find a mirror right before them. In the mirror appereared a face. The face sed “tell me a tru fact and u will have one wish granted, tell me a lie, u will get zapped to hell”
The short redhead goes first- she says”I think I am the tallest girl ever” ZAAPP
Then the brunetts goes- she says “I think I am the prettiest girl ever” ZAAP
Finally the blonde goes “I think….” ZAAP
okies
there were a blonde,brunette and a redhead vandalising a wall. The polic came so they all his in a hessian sack.
The policeman thought they heard movement so they looked around.
the policeman thought that people were in the sacks.
So he kicked the 1st sack ( where the brunette was hiding) The brunette said “meow, meow” like a cat and the policeman thought it was a cat.
He kicked the 2nd sack. ( where the redhead was hiding) and the redhead said “woof woof” like a dog so the policaman thought it was a dog.
He kicked the 3rd sack ( where the blonde was hiding) and the blonde said ” potatoes potatoes”
LOL SO FUNNY AYY
a blonde was siting on the floor doing a puzzle. she was having a hard time so she called her boyfriend for help. he asked,”what picture is it supposed to make?” the blonde replied,”a tiger” her boyfriend said he was on his way to her house to help. when he finally came, he looked at the floor and said,”u have to put away the frosted flakes.” u might have already heard it before
a blonde and a brunette die and are walking up the stairs to heaven
god comes down and says “if u laugh before you reach the 100th step i’ll send you to hell”
they keep walking up the stairs and god cracks a joke
the brunnette instantley cracks up and is sent to hell
the blonde keeps walking up the stairs with god and all the way up god keep cracking jokes. the blonde doesn’t even giggle.
she makes it to the 99th step and cracks up. god says “why are you laughing?! you almost made it into heaven”
the blonde replies “i finally got the 1st joke”
a blond, a brunette, and red head are out hunting. the red head goes out and comes back with a rabbit. and the blond said “how did you do that?” and she says “i see track, i follow track, i shoot animal.” then the brunette comes back with a bear and the blond says “how did you do that?” and she says “i see track, i follow track, i shoot animal.” then the blond goes out hunting and comes back without her arm.so the brunette and the red head say “whoa, what happened?” and she says i see track, i follow, track i get hit by a train!”
There’s a blonde sitting in the middle of a field in a rowboat.
Her blonde sister pulls up in her converitable and says” What are you doing in a middle of the field w/ a rowboat?”
The girl in the rowboat replies” Rowing my rowboat”
The girl in the converitable say” Well STOP, go do it in water, your embrassing me!”
“NO, I DONT WANT TO, IM HAVING FUN!” replies the blonde in the boat.
“JUST WALK BACK TO MY CAR AND GET IN… NOW!”
“NO WAY!”
“You know, if I could swim i would come and get you right NOW!” says the girl in the car!
THATS MY FAVORITE ONE EVER!
ok, heres another
Theres a blonde, a brunette and a red head, they are all robbing a bank.
The police come so they all jump into potatoe sacks.
The police kick the first one, containing the red head, and the red head say “MEOW!” The police thinks its a cat so they move on.
They kick the second one, containging the bruenttee and she says “WOOF!” they thinks its a dog so they move on.
They kick the blondes potatoe sack and she say, “POTATOE POTATOE!”
A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.
She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: “You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box.”
The blonde answered, “No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail.”
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
OK so i was sitting on the edge of the road and a blonde came up to me and said ” Whatcha donin?” and i was counting 98, 98, 98,98,98 and then she was like “HUH?” and then a car came by, 99, 99,99
it funnier in person