3 Responses to “Does Anyone Know Any Good Cop Jokes?”
soupkitt// Oct 27, 2009 at 9:30 pm
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there’s a rip in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 note falls out on to the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her…. ‘Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.
‘Oh, really? Darn!’ says the little old lady. ‘I’d better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning!’
‘Well, now, not so fast,’ says the cop. ‘How did you get all that money?’ ‘You didn’t steal it, did you?’
‘Oh, no’, says the little old lady. ‘You see, my back yard is right next to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee through the bushes, right into my flower beds!’
‘So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I say, ‘$20 or off it comes.’
‘Well, that seems only fair.’ laughs the cop. ‘OK, good luck! By the way, what’s in the other bag?’
‘Well’, says the little old lady, ‘not everybody pays.’
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POLICE # 1: While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, “Are you a cop?”
“Yes,” I answered and continued writing the report.
“My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right,” I told her.
“Well, then,” she said as she extended her foot toward me, “would you please tie my shoe?”
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POLICE # 2: It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked. “It sure is,” I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, “What’d he do?”
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MyPantsA// Oct 27, 2009 at 9:30 pm
one day after Christmas a little boy was riding his bike. he saw a police man riding around on a horse. the police man said to the kid, nice bike did santa give it to you? the boy said yes. the police man gives the boy a ticket and says next time tell santa to give you a helmet. the boy says nice horse, did santa give it to you? the police man says yes. the boy says next time tell santa to put the a** at the back of the horse instead of on top.
Em// Oct 27, 2009 at 9:30 pm
there’s a woman and 10 guys hanging onto a rope over the edge of a cliff, the ropes about to snap because of the weight. then the woman gives this long emotional speech about how women do everything and how useful they are to the world. then the men start clapping.
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A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there’s a rip in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 note falls out on to the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her…. ‘Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.
‘Oh, really? Darn!’ says the little old lady. ‘I’d better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning!’
‘Well, now, not so fast,’ says the cop. ‘How did you get all that money?’ ‘You didn’t steal it, did you?’
‘Oh, no’, says the little old lady. ‘You see, my back yard is right next to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee through the bushes, right into my flower beds!’
‘So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I say, ‘$20 or off it comes.’
‘Well, that seems only fair.’ laughs the cop. ‘OK, good luck! By the way, what’s in the other bag?’
‘Well’, says the little old lady, ‘not everybody pays.’
————-
POLICE # 1: While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, “Are you a cop?”
“Yes,” I answered and continued writing the report.
“My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right,” I told her.
“Well, then,” she said as she extended her foot toward me, “would you please tie my shoe?”
————-
POLICE # 2: It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked. “It sure is,” I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, “What’d he do?”
————-
one day after Christmas a little boy was riding his bike. he saw a police man riding around on a horse. the police man said to the kid, nice bike did santa give it to you? the boy said yes. the police man gives the boy a ticket and says next time tell santa to give you a helmet. the boy says nice horse, did santa give it to you? the police man says yes. the boy says next time tell santa to put the a** at the back of the horse instead of on top.
there’s a woman and 10 guys hanging onto a rope over the edge of a cliff, the ropes about to snap because of the weight. then the woman gives this long emotional speech about how women do everything and how useful they are to the world. then the men start clapping.